Not quite as obnoxious as a motivational poster, but almost.

The business press, LinkedIn, podcasts, and social media influencers who pass off vapid platitudes as wisdom insist you are always supposed to strive, hustle, achieve, have a great attitude, and live your best life.

If you are not, buddy, you are doing it wrong. Thank goodness they can help you get your stuff together, usually after you buy their book, certification, newsletter, workout program, or “clean” food product.

No one ever talks about the dark times.

Yes, work is just that— work. It doesn’t care about your moods, the nonsense going on in your relationship, your health scare, your sick partner/parent/kid/pet, or your existential crisis. We have a job to do, and sometimes we have to suck it up and just get through the day.

That’s all perfectly fine.

But there are times when it is dark.

Very dark.

Those times you don’t want to admit your feelings to anyone because you don’t really want to admit it to yourself.

It’s not helpful that we have a secret contract to pretend those times never happen. If I don’t admit it to you, you don’t admit it me, and we get to think everyone is doing better than us.

Dark times are a taboo topic. So we hold our breath and keep quiet until, hopefully, the dark feelings pass quickly.

There is a better way.

While emotionally vomiting to your colleagues might not be appropriate, here are some suggestions (a number discovered through trial and error) to help you through the dark times. Don’t try to do them all or do them all at once. Give a couple a try and see how they help. See what works for you.

• Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to not be okay. Recognizing your emotions is the first step toward managing them effectively. It can be really powerful to just admit to yourself that you are not doing great.
• Engage in Physical Activity: If you don’t have a normal exercise routine, pick something simple like a walk or an easy bike ride. This isn’t about losing weight, getting cut, or achieving a personal best (although those are excellent outcomes); it’s about feeling better. If you have a hard time getting moving on your own, ask someone to do it with you, join an exercise class, or set up some other structure that you know you are not likely to bail on when you are in a dark spot.
• Take a Mental Health Day: If you have flexibility when using sick/vacation time, take a day off now. Then, go do something nice. It could be a walk in the park, visiting a museum, going to a movie, anything. It can really help clear your head.
• Make an “Incomplete” List: Like a computer running a lot of memory in the background, our brains spend energy worrying about things that need to be remembered to get done. This can contribute to a dark mood. Take 10 or 15 minutes and write down everything that is “incomplete in your life.” Everything.

Some suggestions of what might be incomplete: oil change/tire rotation, squeaky floorboard that’s driven you nuts for years, organizing your closet or garage, dental/doctor appointment, taking stuff to Goodwill, doing your will, balancing your checkbook, dusting, signing the kids up for sports and all that goes with it, the garden, painting a room, books/articles to read, having a hard conversation with a coworker/parent/spouse, watching a webinar, etc. After you finish the list, you will likely see more things that you want to put on it, which is excellent.

Once you have completed the list to your satisfaction, feel free to leave it and look at it later. Just walk away; the list will be there when you get back. That’s the whole point; now that it is down on paper (or computer), your brain doesn’t need to worry about it anymore.

When you revisit the list, you can decide what needs to get done today, tomorrow, next month, maybe someday, and never.

• Avoid Booze: Plenty of people choose to self-medicate with alcohol. It feels like a great temporary relief from whatever is bothering you, but we have to remember that alcohol is a depressant. A few hours of feeling better can often keep you feeling darker for longer. If you do drink, do it in moderation.
• Reach Out Selectively: Share your thoughts with a trusted friend or family member who understands that life isn’t always a highlight reel. Sometimes, just talking about it can lighten your burden.
• Set Realistic Expectations: Accept that not every day will be productive or happy. Give yourself permission to have a ‘low’ day and know that it doesn’t define your worth or your future.
• Seek Professional Help: When things seem overwhelming, talking to a therapist or counselor can provide support and strategies to cope with difficult times.
• Limit Social Media: Comparing your blooper reel with someone else’s highlight reel is a not recipe to help you deal with dark feelings. Constant exposure to curated perfection on social media can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy. It’s healthy to take a break and reconnect with reality.
• Go On a News Diet: While being well-informed is important, constant updates and alerts to the latest catastrophe can mess with people even when they are feeling on top of the world. Don’t worry; if something big happens while you are on your news diet, you will hear about it. Trust us on this one.
• Rewatch your Favorite TV Show or Movie: It can help bring some joy when you are feeling down.
• Focus on What You Can Control: Concentrate on your reactions and what you can change, rather than external circumstances beyond your control.
• Practice Mindfulness: Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, or yoga can help ground you in the present moment and reduce anxiety.
• Embrace Artistic Expression: Journaling, writing, painting, photography, or any form of creative work can be therapeutic. It allows you to express what you’re feeling in a constructive and personal way. It doesn’t have to be for anyone but yourself. So, you don’t have to worry about it being “good.” It’s just for you.
• Remember This Too Shall Pass: Remind yourself that life is a series of phases. Just as good times don’t last forever, neither do the bad ones.

We hope these tips help. By being open about these challenges, we can start to break the stigma and perhaps make it a little easier for someone else to share their struggles.

You may ask, what does that have to do with being a Pathfinder? Even a Pathfinder can have some dark days.